Sous Steph: Things I Hear Alex Say When He's Cooking

Hello fellow foodies! Sous Steph here. Alex has finally decided it's safe to let me blog once and awhile. As the title clearly states: he cooks, I eat. That isn't changing anytime soon. Usually, my activities in the kitchen are simple: stir this, hold that, take this out of the oven, get that out of the kitchen/closet, try this, or just sit-there-and-keep-me-company-while-you're-surfing-the-web. I do it all quite well.

For my first post, I thought it would be interesting to give you an idea of what I hear when Alex is cooking. I am usually an observer, which puts me in the same boat as most of you readers. Without much further ado, Things I Hear Alex Say When He's Cooking:

• "This is coming out awful. We're going to have to order pizza." (We had to do this ONCE, but he says this almost weekly.)
• "I'm breaking one of Bonnie's Rules."
• "Can you read the recipe for me?"
• "Expletive!!!"
• "It's ruined!" (Again, said often, but never true.)
• "I'm a genius."
• "I cook this much better than my mother."
• "Open the window/door. It's too $%*&)$*$#@ hot in here."
• "I don't need any more cookbooks. Look at how many I have. I haven't even cooked out of some of these." (One week later, new cookbook gets added to the collection.)
• "We need a bigger kitchen."
• "I want to buy a ________ (insert kitchen gadget/appliance here)."
• "Quick, take a picture! Where's the camera?"

Edit: more sayings I've thought of:

• "Can you get me _____?" (Always when I'm in my comfy chair in the other room.)
• "Next time, I'm going to . . . ."
  
• "Isn't this fun?" (I respond with a bored look.)
• "Rachel Ray/Bobby Flay is evil."
• "Don't you remember, last time this was more/less _____?" (Me: blank stare.)