Sunday, November 29, 2009

Sous Steph: Things I Hear Alex Say When He's Cooking

Hello fellow foodies! Sous Steph here. Alex has finally decided it's safe to let me blog once and awhile. As the title clearly states: he cooks, I eat. That isn't changing anytime soon. Usually, my activities in the kitchen are simple: stir this, hold that, take this out of the oven, get that out of the kitchen/closet, try this, or just sit-there-and-keep-me-company-while-you're-surfing-the-web. I do it all quite well.

For my first post, I thought it would be interesting to give you an idea of what I hear when Alex is cooking. I am usually an observer, which puts me in the same boat as most of you readers. Without much further ado, Things I Hear Alex Say When He's Cooking:

  • "This is coming out awful. We're going to have to order pizza." (We had to do this ONCE, but he says this almost weekly.)
  • "I'm breaking one of Bonnie's Rules."
  • "Can you read the recipe for me?"
  • "Expletive!!!"
  • "It's ruined!" (Again, said often, but never true.)
  • "I'm a genius."
  • "I cook this much better than my mother."
  • "Open the window/door. It's too $%*&)$*$#@ hot in here."
  • "I don't need any more cookbooks. Look at how many I have. I haven't even cooked out of some of these." (One week later, new cookbook gets added to the collection.)
  • "We need a bigger kitchen."
  • "I want to buy a ________ (insert kitchen gadget/appliance here)."
  • "Quick, take a picture! Where's the camera?"
Edit: more sayings I've thought of:
  • "Can you get me _____?" (Always when I'm in my comfy chair in the other room.)
  • "Next time, I'm going to . . . ."
  • "Isn't this fun?" (I respond with a bored look.)
  • "Rachel Ray/Bobby Flay is evil."
  • "Don't you remember, last time this was more/less _____?" (Me: blank stare.)


Rob Timko said...

OK, so this ranks up as one of the best posts on the blog! Too Funny!

I'll let Laurie read and answer what she hears me say.

So, Sous Steph...are you to be trusted with a knife yet?

Stepha said...

I'm just okay with a knife, but Alex starts twitching whenever I get near his good knives. He's a bit territorial with them.

Laurie said...

Omg Steph, this post certainly hits close to I'm pegged as sous chef as well. I think sous chef in the Timko kitchen = dishwasher, cheerleader, photographer, go-get-this-er & the list can go on....

Anyway....I must say Rob shares many of the same "quotes" as Alex...& I'm also not allowed to use the Misonu knife.

Some of the highlighted ones are:
"What's next in the recipe?" (as i'm totally not near the cookbook)

"Can you grab the thyme?" (as i'm chopping something else)

"Do you think this pot?" (I reply, sure, as he grabs a different one)

"Damn I'm good"

"This could have been more refined" (as everyone else is completely blown away by how refined it is)

"This is going to be an awesome weekend, we're making stock!" (not my idea of an awesome weekend)

Anyway, so when are we double dating for drinks & dinner?


Stepha said...

We definitely have to get together soon. I feel like I know you two already. Perhaps between Christmas and New Years?

Wendy said...

I just found your blog by hitting the "next blog" button at the top of the page. And I just have to ask you Steph, how in the world did you find yourself a man who would cook for you?! Some gals have all the luck...

Stepha said...

Wendy, glad you found our blog! Alex is quite a find, for many, many reasons. The cooking is only part of it. I don't know why people assume cooking is a "woman's job" when a vast majority of professional chefs are men!